Are you ready to get married?

Published November 4, 2010 by Mary Jane

Hello Bloggy friends, hope this post finds you all well. How random is the title – are you ready to get married? This post is dedicated to all my single girlfriends out there or those that are consider in getting hitched! I was just watching Dr Phil and they were just talking to a couple who wants advice as to whether they should get married or not…here’s my 2 cents worth…and it’s based on my personal experience, I don’t have any psychology background…

Anyways, to be honest the thought of getting hitched to Pandabear just daunts me. When I was in Uni I’ve always thought I’ll never get married. Why? Cos I’m quite strong and stubborn person and I don’t like people telling me what to do. Plus I don’t have a submissive nature so there’s going to be a serious problem in living with someone 24/7 and I need my own space, I’m an independent girl and I don’t need a companion – so I thought. So we’ve dated for 4 years and all these time I was thinking to myself, how do you know whether “he’s the right one” and strange enough when I ask Pandabear he’s like well, you’ve put up with me for 4 years I’m sure you’re the one…it still didn’t reassure me…

I prayed to God for guidance and started asking people around who are getting married for their advice and thoughts. What surprises me is that majority of them would tell me “you just know he’s the right one!” I’m like what??? But how do you know??? Anyways, I think Pandabear had it easy cos he’s never dated anyone else before so I was his first and last girlfriend so he never has that pre-expectation or compares me with his exs. Me on the other hand, well – I’ve had a few boyfriends in the past so there are times I wonder whether I was making the right decision in getting hitched with Pandabear.

What really helped us was at the time our Pastor didn’t do a pre-marital counseling for us so we did our own pre-marital counseling and I would highly recommend this to everyone else if you are a Christian. Even if you’re not there’s books out there for pre-marital counseling. The book we went through was written by Wayne McCormack and the title of the book is called Preparing for Marriage God’s way. We’re so glad we went through this book, even though it was long and tedious but a marriage is a lifetime commitment and I think we went through it together in 6 months. The great thing about this book is that it has practical examples, surveys, essays on all sorts of topics that you will face when you get married and after your get married. Things that we’ve never thought of before – especially in decision making. There’s also counseling on life after marriage, so there’s a one month and 6 months follow up of how your marriage is going – it’s fantastic!

Everyone is made differently, but I think marriage is a life time commitment so it’s worth taken the time to think through this and work on the pre-marital counseling part. So it’s important to know your partner very well – you’re never going to know a person 100% until you get married to them and live with them 24/7 cos that’s when you really get to know the person very very well. Trust me, that’s how I found out. I think it’s a bit harder for Christian couples as we can’t move in together until we get married and on the hind side I think it’s great cos it adds that extra excitement of looking forward to living with each other and spending the rest of your life together. I’ve heard stories of friends who have lived with each other for more than 8 years and end up splitting. I think that’s what happens when you move in with your partner before you get married, you later on loses that chemistry and the ‘special bond’ is no longer there anymore.

Marriage is definitely not a bed of roses, many people goes into a marriage thinking that it’s going to be all perfect. Sorry you’re wrong, there’s no such thing as a perfect marriage – you can always work towards it though :-). Both partners should be ready to take that big step – don’t let pressure from your parents, friends, other unrealistic reasons make you make this life time decision in a rush – make sure you are ready and are full aware what it will entail. Take your time. For me it took me at least 4 years to figure out whether Pandabear was the right guy for me. Marriage is hard work, it requires full commitments from both partners to make it work. However, at the same time it’s rewarding as God’s intention for the human race is to get married and have children. Men was never designed to be alone he had his companion known as Women. I know there’s always exceptional cases of those who don’t end up getting married. But all in all, it’s a positive step because two is always better than one, as when one falls the other could pick him/her up πŸ™‚

So it’s sad when I heard a Christian friend of mine got divorced recently and I was shocked cos I never expected that in a Christian marriage but it happens. So at times when I get frustrated with Pandabear or when he gets frustrated with me we would sit down and talk things through. Communication is very important for a healthy relationship. I used to have this habit of keeping everything to myself but in the end getting so frustrated and blow up. So I know when I’m not happy with Pandabear I would need to tell him otherwise it will continue to brew and later on blow up some where along the way. I would also tell Pandabear to let me know if he’s frustrated with me with certain things. Also if you’re having to constantly fight or argue with your partner in your relationship it’s time to examine and reflect upon whether this is the ‘right relationship” honestly, if these problems/issues don’t get resolved you will have to face them when you get married and when you are living with each other 24/7 it’ll be worst! So it’s wise to settle your differences and you can’t change a person’s personality but you can always compromise.

Compromise does not mean putting away your own priorities or your dreams to make the other person happy as time goes by you’ll be unhappy cos it’s not really what you want in life. Having the same faith or religious belief helps in a relationship as in our case, we often ask God to help us grow in our marriage and work on the areas we need to improve to make a good husband or a good wife. Look, there’s no short answers but really Marriage can be one of the best decision you’ve made in life – provided you both are ready to take this next step. It’s rewarding, and looking back – yeah our marriage isn’t perfect and I’m sure there are days where Pandabear wants to pull out his hair dealing with me and there’s also days where I want to strangle him. But at the end of the day you work things out and things are back to sort of normal again πŸ™‚

So you ask me have I made the right decision of getting hitched with Pandabear – absolutely, no regrets! Thank God for it too πŸ™‚

There’s a happily ever after…

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